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News > "Drink it while you can:" AF coffee ban to begin 2014
No more Coffee
An Airman sadly watches the last few drops of coffee drain from the pot April 1, 2013, at Buckley Air Force Base, Colo. The Air Force is set to ban coffee beginning fiscal 2014. (U.S. Air Force Photo by Airman 1st Class Riley Johnson/Released)
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"Drink it while you can:" AF coffee ban to begin 2014

Posted 3/29/2013   Updated 3/29/2013 Email story   Print story


by Staff Sgt. Nicholas Rau
460th Space Wing Public Affairs

3/29/2013 - BUCKLEY AIR FORCE BASE, Colo. -- Hot on the heels of sequestration, top Air Force officials said April 1 that they would ban coffee beginning fiscal 2014.

"Coffee causes a major adverse effects to our readiness," explained Col. John Folgers, Air Force Policy Center, Buckley AFB. "As studies have shown, there is decreased productivity due to sleep deprivation. Eight out of 10 service members said they use their morning coffee as a 'pick-me-up' instead of getting the proper amount of sleep."

The ban would undoubtedly cause a shift in shop dynamics, stated Master Sgt. Leon Maxwell-House, 460th Munitions Squadron, Buckley AFB.

"Every morning I come in and fill up my coffee cup; it's a tradition," Maxwell-House said. "I carry the cup around all day and people know I am master sergeant. The coffee cup is like a rank; sometimes people don't even see my stripes and still know I am a senior NCO because I carry around my coffee cup."

Senior Airman Kali Caribou, 460th Aircraft Maintenance Squadron, Buckley AFB, echoed this sentiment when she spoke about her future.

"This was something I was looking forward to when I made rank," Caribou explained. "It has been a tradition since the 1940s and a rite of passage for NCOs. Now, with this policy change, it is something I will never get a chance to experience. I had already bought a cup and everything. What am I going to put in the coffee cup now? Tea?"

These are common hiccups that are expected when a policy change is put in place, Folgers stated.

"As Airmen, we are trained to adapt and overcome, and the coffee ban is no different," Folgers said. "I expect our top-notch team to take this in stride and press on as professionals."

Folgers advice to Airman, "Drink it while you can and enjoy April Fools' Day."

Editor's Note: This article is a fake news story written in the spirit and jest of April Fools' Day.

4/3/2013 4:30:12 PM ET
April Fools
Scott, US
4/2/2013 5:46:08 PM ET
Thought for a moment the mayor of new york city had taken over the AF.
BillK, Raleigh NC
4/1/2013 11:45:20 PM ET
Wow so you are telling me that troops that are sitting in Kabul today playing Xbox games er I mean keeping us safe will have to do so without coffee I'm shocked
george milton, United States
4/1/2013 10:55:28 PM ET
I drink two cups of senior coffee every morning at McDonalds and it wakes me up and sends me on the way to the gym. I think you would be better off to ban alcohol.
John Berry, 29566
4/1/2013 8:34:01 PM ET
This is awesome
PA Airman, Overseas
4/1/2013 5:48:24 PM ET
I hope they don't ban tea.
Lt Col Earl Grey, McConnell AFB KS
4/1/2013 5:44:15 PM ET
Most of the budget items the GOP wants to cut are expenses that indirectly _reduce_ deficits in the long run much like coffee. So the joke gets muddled. It's hard to tell what's a joke anymore.
RhymesWithOrange, United States
4/1/2013 5:34:15 PM ET
I thought it was ironic coming from a person named Folgers..but some younger airman only know coffee by Starbucks
Cheri Lewis, JbLM
4/1/2013 4:51:12 PM ET
That was awesome
Two Cents, Washington D.C.
4/1/2013 4:43:59 PM ET
Now THAT'S funny I thought as I was reading how very ridiculous this was and was wondering how exactly this could be enforced Thought perhaps a Folgers test had been developed Well done my friends well done
Mil Bogue, Missouri
4/1/2013 4:06:13 PM ET
Had me going until I read the name MSgt Maxwell-House. Happy April Fools
James Kajdasz, Washington DC
4/1/2013 3:20:01 PM ET
Whew I would have quit You derive what you must from that statement Happy April Fool's Day ere'body
Kevin, Buckley AFB
4/1/2013 2:57:32 PM ET
This is great
SSgt B, Holloman
4/1/2013 1:52:22 PM ET
Love it
SSgt, Scott AFB
4/1/2013 1:21:30 PM ET
Enjoyed the heck out of this. The author didn't miss poking too many did he
Steve Quinn, Belleville IL
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